


Forgive Me

by theoneandonlylestat



Series: Behind The Scenes ~ Lestat De Lioncourt [6]
Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:06:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoneandonlylestat/pseuds/theoneandonlylestat
Summary: the pain, the suffering, Lestat felt once he was alone again...and about to give up.





	Forgive Me

This was one of those nights Lestat did not care about anything. He did not care if someone came and hurt him, he did not care if they hated him or not, he did not care if this, was his last night … didn’t matter.

Walking through the wet streets without a direction, thoughtful in everything that happened recently. Marius found out, in some way or another, about Pandora and Lestat so they had to separate for the best of them and of course Lestat didn’t want Pandora to suffer any harm. He didn’t want any more problems with everyone else.

Lestat went away, far away, and closed himself in such way that although he felt the call of some of them, a call to know where he was at or if he was ok, he did not answer, he did not want to be with anyone or around anyone. He was fed up with the laws, the court and everything else. He just wanted to be happy but he never felt happy.

He continued wandering the streets, now pouring rain. What matters if he ended up like a rag? Nothing. People passed by, some looked at him, others did not, some thought he would be a beggar, others some stranger with that white skin. Crouched head he kept walking until he came back where he had parked his car. He took out the keys off his pocket, opened the door and sat down on the driver’s seat. Putting his arms crossed on the steering wheel resting his head on them and closing his eyes. Listening to the rain on the windows and on the roof. He was tired of being called Prince, he was tired of that responsibility and he was fed up with the fact that only some wanted him for who he was and not because of who he really is. He just wanted to be Lestat, nothing more, nothing else, just him. And just to be happy. That’s what he screamed over and over again before he left the Court “I just want to be happy, it’s something that bad? its prohibited to me, to be happy? It’s something so hard to get and feel?”

Still with his head resting on his arms, turning it to the right side now looking at the drops of rain sliding down through the windows. He remembered several things from the past and… Nicolas. Why everything had to happen like this? … why Nicki?.

He started the car and turned on the radio. And this song now… as if someone knew about what he was feeling at that moment…

 

_Can you forgive me again?_

_I don’t know what I said_

_But I didn’t mean to hurt you_

_I heard the words come out_

_I felt that I would die_

_It hurt so much to hurt you_

_Then you look at me_

_You’re not shouting anymore_

_You’re silently broken_

_I’d give anything now_

_To kill those words for you_

_Each time I say something I regret I cry “I don’t want to lose you.”_

_But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah._

_‘Cause you were made for me_

_Somehow I’ll make you see_

_How happy you make me_

_I can’t live this life_

_Without you by my side_

_I need you to survive_

_So stay with me_

_You look in my eyes and I’m screaming inside that I’m sorry._

_And you forgive me again_

_You’re my one true friend_

_And I never meant to hurt you_

 

Tears sprang from his eyes, holding any sign of pain and sadness, his lost sight, but wasn’t he the Prince? He should show strength and power, there was no tears for someone as strong as him, right?, he could not be weak … but whatever, that night nothing mattered anymore, that night he just wanted be Lestat. And he got carried away by that melody and these lyrics. He broke into sobs as very few times he had done before and this was one of the few.

Remembering that last night back in Paris, when he saw Nicolas, at the theater, that night he saw his eyes full of hate.. Why? Why did things have to happen this way? Why he did not stopped him? Why he wasn’t there for him? Why Nicki is not here anymore?… he broke into more tears and pain and he prayed again. He prayed and begged that nothing was the way it happened, that Nicki was alive somewhere.

He hit the steering wheel with fury with his hands “why Nicki!” he screamed, his face wet of tears, he felt impotent, broken and so angry to himself … he returned to cross his arms on the steering wheel leaning his head on his arms he cried. He cried until there were no more tears repeating these two words with broken voice while crying “why Nicki”. He had no energy to move, to go anywhere else, turning his head to look at the window, his lost sight at the rain drops. He turned off the engine.

The sun started to come out … it did not matter … nothing… _Nicki_


End file.
